In the words of Joey: “It’s not a cat!”

Because the public opinions were so divided and we wanted to know what the hype was about (okay, I had heard it has a scene depicting a woman pleasuring herself but, that was not all), we decided to watch it.

To begin with, two hours was a stretch and to end with, the movie Veere Di Wedding is a classic case of a “road to hell paved with good intentions.”

In all earnestness, this was (perhaps) an attempt to be a movie about feminism – a term I find tricky, so, I will use “women empowerment” instead.

Oh, the many, many, many flaws with the premises.

  • This bunch of four high-school besties come from frickin’ rich families. Obnoxiously rich. If you didn’t already know, the rules of women empowerment (or any sort of empowerment, for that matter) get extremely skewed with that kind of money.
  • They are ALWAYS driving nothing less than Bentley, Lamborghini and Range Rover and then suddenly it cuts to one scene with zoomed in view of booking an Uber ride? This has to be the most tactless plugging of sponsors. EVER. Even Youtubers these days do a better job of inserting a message about sponsors.
  • So the wife was was being divorced by the husband because he found her pleasuring herself? The last I heard, masturbating even if you have a partner is not all bad. What exactly was the point? That was the reason for divorce? What if she wasn’t ‘caught’? Like, what if he never found about it? They should have had a conversation about it like frickin’ adults.
  • They wanted to do a female version of Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara and Dil Chahta Hai. That’s a wonderful, welcome “intention”. Technically speaking, it’s not a math equation where you replace the male protagonists with female and whoa! you’ve made a women-centric movie. It has to be more nuanced than that.
  • Again, probably with “good intentions” in mind, one uncle was depicted as gay. And his partner had no character at all, no depth at all except for dressing up in pink and being shown as emasculate. Being gay is not the same as being a eunuch. These are such sensitive topics – you can’t reinforce another stereotype (dressing queer) just because you broke one (open gay relationship). 

In the words of Joey, “it’s not a cat!”. This movie is not about woman empowerment. (Even though it may resemble one!) File it under another Bollywood bullsh*t.





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On International Women’s Day and pockets (among other things)

In Hindi, we have a saying ‘aurat hi aurat ki sabse bari shatru hoti hai’. Meaning – the greatest enemy womankind has is the woman herself.

We already know: as a gender – women are biologically different from men – we have evolved differently – and historically, we have had different and largely conservative roles – it’s been a long journey.

This is a random picture from the book “The One Thing”. Took a picture for the interesting quote on the corner.

One of my favorite books, “The Second Sex” by the Simone de Beauvoir – talks about the gender roles in society – where we are coming from. (I wish this book were a part of the school curriculum everywhere.) (The book is not about “feminism” – if you dread that term. I am not a big fan of the word either. The word is tricky!) Continue reading

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Note to self on the new effing year

* Nothing like a blog to make you feel guilty for not committing to writing regularly *

Dear self, firstly, stop behaving in a way that you don’t feel like addressing your own self as “dear”. You’ve been a frickin a-hole. You know that feeling when you can forgive everyone in the world except yourself? Yeah, you don’t want to go there. That’s hell.

Secondly, you are allowed to feel low. Just remember, only you can pull yourself out. Stop depending on some imaginary external party to do the miracle for you. And stop taking your loved ones for granted. Got it?




Also, you need to buy that notebook and pen – and effing write something everyday. EVERY effing day. You get it? Every EFFING day. Until you’re dead or are on your periods. Writing lets you be true to yourself and you want to be that.

Thirdly, now more than ever, you need to stop bullshipping yourself. NO excuses for anything, ever. You get it? Excuses are for losers.

Finally, be more grateful. Everyday. How easy it is to be ungrateful…ugh. Slap yourself or something. Just get your brain trained to be grateful and proud of how far we’ve come.

You can’t turn into the woman you want one fine day magically. You’ve got to live that person every effing day. Be the woman you want to be every frickin’ day. What stops you, after all, huh? You can do it. You HAVE to do it. For yourself. You owe it to yourself to be the person you always wanted to be.

Keep in touch

That don’t impress me much (at least, not anymore)

I’m not impressed anymore by the motorbikes you ride or the cars you own. What impresses me is whether you heed the traffic rules (especially in Bangalore’s traffic!)

I’m not impressed anymore by the “brands” of clothes and shoes you wear. I’m impressed if you’re comfortable in your own skin.

I’m not impressed anymore by your looks. (In fact, if you’re cute-looking I just wait and watch until you eventually, behave like a total, narcissistic jerk.) I’m relieved if your nails are trimmed and clean.

I’m not impressed anymore by how you treat me. I take notice of how you treat your subordinates at work and the sales guy at the counter.

I’m not impressed anymore if you can debate non-stop on a topic. I respect if you think it’s not cool to joke about sensitive topics.


On Teachers’ Day

Disclaimer: This post is no way meant to be malicious towards my Alma Mater. We studied from the best educational institutions at our place and are proud and grateful to have those opportunities.  

With the nation celebrating the Teachers’s Day on September 5 each year, I refuse to romanticize my schooling or graduation. That phase sucked and I am glad I survived school and college!

I find it hard to recall teachers that truly inspired me. Barring a rare teacher here and there, the majority of our growing up memories are nothing remarkable. While I can’t remember much inspirational words they ever said, I do clearly recall the times we were blatantly treated partially.

Best to say the teachers were doing “their jobs” of completing the annual syllabus. With our outdated education system and the kind of pressure teachers have these days, it is only fair not to expect anything ‘guru-like’ from them.

All I wish is, each student hears, if only once in her life, those few words of truth and encouragement from a teacher that resound throughout life.


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The Great Indian Independence Day and Feminism

Growing up I used to love “my country”! You know, how we have those cultural events at schools and universities with singing songs in praise of our nation and hoisting the flag every 15th August. You just could not not feel that patriotic fervor – even if for a single day!

As an adult women who doesn’t feel safe to step out even in broad daylight…forget after-dark hours…I don’t know how patriotic to feel! Every single effing day we see and hear stories of rather ‘harmless’ eve-teasing to horrendous cold-blooded crimes against women in our nation.

As someone who has had her “fair share” of being groped and pinched and poked in the ass (I know, ugh, right? I did turn to slap that bastard but alas it was too crowded to figure out) – on city streets, market areas, public places and where not…I don’t know…it’s gotten harder to nurture the patriotic feelings I once had.

All I have grown to think about is being on “high-alert” about my safety and the safety of other women I know. I am distressed and it will best be hypocritical to feel patriotic.

Am I alone in this? Do other Indian women feel this way, ever?

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A letter to December

You’re here. With the first day of the last month of the Georgian calendar.

I want to cling on to you, December and not let you go. Why do you always seem to come around and leave so soon? Stay, my friend, can’t you?

Every time I realise you’re here, I go into a retrospective mood and the memories of the past 334 days gone by start to flash in the mind with mixed emotions of happiness, achievement, sadness and a pinch of regret (just a teeny-tiny bit). It’s a strange nostalgia. You make me miss my home even while I am at home.

I hope you know you’re beautiful, December. You bring with you festivities (including long holidays, of course! ) and warmth. (Except in the southern hemisphere of the planet where you’re probably too warm.)

Don’t go, December. Wait a bit, a little longer. Can’t we slow down our watches and do away with the calendars?

Till as long as you’re here,
Happy you to everyone.

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Indian cinema – you have a long way to go

We watched Dear Zindagi yesterday. I found it flawless. Except for one bit. Why couldn’t Jehangir Khan and Koko be together? I mean, he was divorced and she was very much single. They both seemed to like each other.  They couldn’t go out for coffee ONCE. Why? Why? Why? Why does Indian cinema have to do this? Just because he is maybe 10 years older to her (and divorced)? Just because it wouldn’t be totally conventional? In all possibilities, even if they pursued, their relationship may NOT have worked out. That doesn’t mean they should not have given it a try.

dear zindagi, DearZindagi

When a refreshingly unusual Bollywood movie still manages to confine to stereotypes.

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When Trump Trumped

Okay, apologies for the poor (and probably excessively overused by now) pun in the title. So, Donald Trump was elected the new President of the USA. As someone who doesn’t follow the political news closely – I had learned that for many voters it was a difficult choice – much like that between the devil and the deep sea.

Among other things, political pundits remarked this was the result of a deeply-embedded misogynistic attitude. What saddened me was not the ‘apprehension’ of misogyny – rather the fact that the electoral results directly meant that the people defended all the publicly made oh-so-ludicrous remarks of Mr Trump throughout the campaign as well as otherwise. I would refrain from citing examples because I am sure anyone who logs on the internet at least once a day or reads a newspaper these days must be aware of them.


Image result for grab them by the pussy meme

Because obviously, I couldn’t write the actual remark! 


Continue reading

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Little bets

Do you keep “little bets” with yourself? They seem so childish – but I always catch myself betting something against something!

  • If this works out – I’m going to do that.
  • If I find that perfect shoe – I’m going to buy that dress I fell in love with.
  • If he texts me first – he likes me too.

And you know…

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