Category Archives: Personal

In the words of Joey: “It’s not a cat!”

Because the public opinions were so divided and we wanted to know what the hype was about (okay, I had heard it has a scene depicting a woman pleasuring herself but, that was not all), we decided to watch it.

To begin with, two hours was a stretch and to end with, the movie Veere Di Wedding is a classic case of a “road to hell paved with good intentions.”

In all earnestness, this was (perhaps) an attempt to be a movie about feminism – a term I find tricky, so, I will use “women empowerment” instead.

Oh, the many, many, many flaws with the premises.

  • This bunch of four high-school besties come from frickin’ rich families. Obnoxiously rich. If you didn’t already know, the rules of women empowerment (or any sort of empowerment, for that matter) get extremely skewed with that kind of money.
  • They are ALWAYS driving nothing less than Bentley, Lamborghini and Range Rover and then suddenly it cuts to one scene with zoomed in view of booking an Uber ride? This has to be the most tactless plugging of sponsors. EVER. Even Youtubers these days do a better job of inserting a message about sponsors.
  • So the wife was was being divorced by the husband because he found her pleasuring herself? The last I heard, masturbating even if you have a partner is not all bad. What exactly was the point? That was the reason for divorce? What if she wasn’t ‘caught’? Like, what if he never found about it? They should have had a conversation about it like frickin’ adults.
  • They wanted to do a female version of Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara and Dil Chahta Hai. That’s a wonderful, welcome “intention”. Technically speaking, it’s not a math equation where you replace the male protagonists with female and whoa! you’ve made a women-centric movie. It has to be more nuanced than that.
  • Again, probably with “good intentions” in mind, one uncle was depicted as gay. And his partner had no character at all, no depth at all except for dressing up in pink and being shown as emasculate. Being gay is not the same as being a eunuch. These are such sensitive topics – you can’t reinforce another stereotype (dressing queer) just because you broke one (open gay relationship). 

In the words of Joey, “it’s not a cat!”. This movie is not about woman empowerment. (Even though it may resemble one!) File it under another Bollywood bullsh*t.





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On International Women’s Day and pockets (among other things)

In Hindi, we have a saying ‘aurat hi aurat ki sabse bari shatru hoti hai’. Meaning – the greatest enemy womankind has is the woman herself.

We already know: as a gender – women are biologically different from men – we have evolved differently – and historically, we have had different and largely conservative roles – it’s been a long journey.

This is a random picture from the book “The One Thing”. Took a picture for the interesting quote on the corner.

One of my favorite books, “The Second Sex” by the Simone de Beauvoir – talks about the gender roles in society – where we are coming from. (I wish this book were a part of the school curriculum everywhere.) (The book is not about “feminism” – if you dread that term. I am not a big fan of the word either. The word is tricky!) Continue reading

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Note to self on the new effing year

* Nothing like a blog to make you feel guilty for not committing to writing regularly *

Dear self, firstly, stop behaving in a way that you don’t feel like addressing your own self as “dear”. You’ve been a frickin a-hole. You know that feeling when you can forgive everyone in the world except yourself? Yeah, you don’t want to go there. That’s hell.

Secondly, you are allowed to feel low. Just remember, only you can pull yourself out. Stop depending on some imaginary external party to do the miracle for you. And stop taking your loved ones for granted. Got it?




Also, you need to buy that notebook and pen – and effing write something everyday. EVERY effing day. You get it? Every EFFING day. Until you’re dead or are on your periods. Writing lets you be true to yourself and you want to be that.

Thirdly, now more than ever, you need to stop bullshipping yourself. NO excuses for anything, ever. You get it? Excuses are for losers.

Finally, be more grateful. Everyday. How easy it is to be ungrateful…ugh. Slap yourself or something. Just get your brain trained to be grateful and proud of how far we’ve come.

You can’t turn into the woman you want one fine day magically. You’ve got to live that person every effing day. Be the woman you want to be every frickin’ day. What stops you, after all, huh? You can do it. You HAVE to do it. For yourself. You owe it to yourself to be the person you always wanted to be.

Keep in touch

That don’t impress me much (at least, not anymore)

I’m not impressed anymore by the motorbikes you ride or the cars you own. What impresses me is whether you heed the traffic rules (especially in Bangalore’s traffic!)

I’m not impressed anymore by the “brands” of clothes and shoes you wear. I’m impressed if you’re comfortable in your own skin.

I’m not impressed anymore by your looks. (In fact, if you’re cute-looking I just wait and watch until you eventually, behave like a total, narcissistic jerk.) I’m relieved if your nails are trimmed and clean.

I’m not impressed anymore by how you treat me. I take notice of how you treat your subordinates at work and the sales guy at the counter.

I’m not impressed anymore if you can debate non-stop on a topic. I respect if you think it’s not cool to joke about sensitive topics.


On Teachers’ Day

Disclaimer: This post is no way meant to be malicious towards my Alma Mater. We studied from the best educational institutions at our place and are proud and grateful to have those opportunities.  

With the nation celebrating the Teachers’s Day on September 5 each year, I refuse to romanticize my schooling or graduation. That phase sucked and I am glad I survived school and college!

I find it hard to recall teachers that truly inspired me. Barring a rare teacher here and there, the majority of our growing up memories are nothing remarkable. While I can’t remember much inspirational words they ever said, I do clearly recall the times we were blatantly treated partially.

Best to say the teachers were doing “their jobs” of completing the annual syllabus. With our outdated education system and the kind of pressure teachers have these days, it is only fair not to expect anything ‘guru-like’ from them.

All I wish is, each student hears, if only once in her life, those few words of truth and encouragement from a teacher that resound throughout life.


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A letter to December

You’re here. With the first day of the last month of the Georgian calendar.

I want to cling on to you, December and not let you go. Why do you always seem to come around and leave so soon? Stay, my friend, can’t you?

Every time I realise you’re here, I go into a retrospective mood and the memories of the past 334 days gone by start to flash in the mind with mixed emotions of happiness, achievement, sadness and a pinch of regret (just a teeny-tiny bit). It’s a strange nostalgia. You make me miss my home even while I am at home.

I hope you know you’re beautiful, December. You bring with you festivities (including long holidays, of course! ) and warmth. (Except in the southern hemisphere of the planet where you’re probably too warm.)

Don’t go, December. Wait a bit, a little longer. Can’t we slow down our watches and do away with the calendars?

Till as long as you’re here,
Happy you to everyone.

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Here’s to the lucky ones!

I loathe festivals. I LOVE the festive spirit all over with Diwali round the corner – the neighborhood is all decked up with decor and all the shops look lighted and welcoming. I totally feel delighted up until the actual day of the festival – decorating our place, shopping, cooking, lighting lamps – I hate the particular day of Diwali. It’s like, anticipation is better than arrival.


We made these gel sparkly candles. Pretty, aren’t they? 🙂

Invariably, we have no one to celebrate Diwali with us any year. Mum is at native – she can’t travel. We don’t have the time to travel to her place. Almost all friends leave for hometowns and it just gets so lonely. It sucks to be alone on festivals, especially Diwali.

I’m still okay to be alone on a Valentine’s Day (not that okay, but you get the idea, right?) – not Diwali. That’s meant to be spent with people. Growing up too, Diwali (including all other festivals too) used to be boring.


I realize there are way more unfortunate people than us in the world. Without a doubt, if there’s one thing we have learned out of all struggles of life is – to be grateful in all times.

To all those who have friends, family and loved ones to celebrate life with you – I hope you know you’re super lucky, guys.

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When you can’t relate to your own self

Do you ever shiver thinking of the challenges you’ve overcome?

I mean, when I recall or am reminded of the hardships we faced in our lives – I cannot even believe we survived it.  It’s like, there was a clone who went through all of these horrid experiences and then suddenly it’s us today. All new and with no (visible) traces of agony.

Do your very own past struggles seem so alien to you now – that you can’t relate to yourself? Sure, some memories fade. It’s not just about that. It’s not about faint memories you can’t remember. It’s about how you can’t imagine – you – the same you you see every day in the mirror- emerged alive from those seemingly never-ending struggles and daylight horrors of a dysfunctional family (or whatever you defined as hell.)


Image result for struggle

Have you been there? Where you finally know what hell must be like? []

Continue reading

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(Happy) Birthday List

While I am a little bummed because it’s late evening and a few friends have not yet called (*hello guys?! C’mon make that call guys!), here’s is my list for the next year. As often happens – I am able to achieve goals that I write down – here’s hoping (touch wood!) the below birthday list (I don’t want to say resolutions because when I call it “resolutions” I start to fear I’ll break them) will be achievable:

  • Make peace with the past and present (and why even the future!)
  • Enjoy the little things even more (such as a good dinner on a cool evening)
  • Continue to be always grateful (always, always, always)
  • Shun comparing (of any sorts, with anybody)
  • Religiously read for thirty minutes every day
  • Think and write down new ideas
  • Pursue higher studies (can’t wait to get started)
  • Grow network of interesting people
  • Write a Quora answer every day? (at least every other day?)
  • Good health (dental, (mental!), physical)
  • NFEOW & GBJs (secret self to -do ;))
  • Finally – take it easy, baby!

Here’s to a great birthday to us ❤

*Update: Friend called soon after I wrote this. Awesome!



A time like that

Needless to say, I am flattered with all the enthusiasm surrounding the upcoming International Women’s Day (IWD). I can’t help thinking there comes a time when we don’t need to celebrate a women’s day. Don’t get me wrong please. I am all for uplift and celebration of womanhood.

It sends shiver down my spine to even read of the times (unfortunately, there are places on the earth where this is still a reality) – when women couldn’t vote, run marathons, work in a daytime job, write books under their own (female) names for the fear of being derided, wear bathing suits and what not. Man! (Pun intended) what a long way we have come, dear ladies. No doubt we have to go even further.

All I wish there comes a time (even if I don’t live long enough to see those days) where we don’t need to celebrate a “women’s day” – a time when women become so “mainstream” – you don’t need a single day to recognize them.

Or at least – even as we continue to celebrate the women’s day – the underlying theme could improve. For e.g. the primary idea behind celebrating International Men’s day is increasing awareness about men’s health. Likewise, for us women celebrating the women’s day in future could mean more than just being at par with men.

Here’s to all the ladies (and gentlemen too if you will!) – don’t you ever just sometimes wish for a time like that?


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